BOOBs

Bro's (who) openly opt (for) Bro's.

I know the acronym doesn't quite work, but hey! It spells boobs. Boobs are a typical guy thing. Not that we have them, it's just... You know what I mean. I coulda gone with the original Bro's Before Hoes, (BBH, kinda like BBQ, seeing this topic is saucy... Ha, lame) BUT that wouldn't require me to make a blog entry, a Life Brogram per say, seeing it already exists.

The Unwritten Law of Men, has always been a topic many guys have failed to live by, and thus because of it, have lost their girlfriend and their bro's. Personally, they deserved it, it's not hard to follow the Law. Sure we all break the occasional Speed Limit, and kill a hooker or two (or is that just me?), but the Law of Men is not a law one man breaks for ANY reason. For as soon as they have, they are no longer a man and are too far bitch-whipped to be saved. These unfortunate men (or Broletariats - the social class comprising those who do manual labour or work for wages women) could have saved themselves all the heartache if they had just followed these 7 simple steps to Bromanship:

Bro's Before Hoes

The most important law of all. This is the law most men struggle with, but is always the easiest to keep for those who have a true Bromance with their buddies. Dating is perfectly acceptable, and in many circles it is often frowned upon if you are not dating and/or having sex (Unless you're giving that 100% of yourself to the Bromance, then it's OK). This doesn't mean, however, that once you date you put off the Bro's in place of your date. Brorgasms (That wonderful feeling you feel when out with your friends) is like an orgasm with your true love - True meaning the woman you've married, not your current girl - it just has a deeper emotional touch than the feeling you have on your date. Bro's ALWAYS come before Hoes. Bro's are like Herpes, they're for life.

Slut-Up When Told

You're a bro, your bro's are going to confide in you with their darkest and most hidden secrets. You're their Brossary of helpful advice. It is your job not to reveal these things to anyone. Pillow Talk is probably where this rule gets broken most. You've managed to share a physical bond with your girlfriend, you shouldn't need to regale her with stories and misadventures of your friends in an attempt to look like the Alpha Male. You've succeeded already in that department in her books, that's why you're having a 'Pillow Talk'. It's just not cool.

Presents

Men are not superficial. A Birthday and Christmas is always only made special because of brotherly company, not gifts. Though an optional present of Alcohol is never rejected, and is always encouraged. Make sure, though, you bring enough for everyone.

Late Night Partying

Whenever it's that time again on the social calender for a night of late drinking and hanging out, it is only polite to offer yourself to be the Designated Driver (DD - the best kind of BOOBs... NO, seriously, sexual jokes aside). You may only be excused from volunteering if:
A) You volunteered last time
B) You're an alcoholic (You just can't be trusted)
or
C) The party is in your honour.
There are many drawbacks to being the Designated Driver (No alcohol is one) but the perks are far greater. Knowing what you've done for your Bro's is a great feeling, and your brotherly bond is further strengthened by your ability to 'take one for the team'. Designated Drivers ALWAYS pay for any bills encountered during the night.

Gamer Frenzy

Whether it's a game on the PS3; Basketball or those of a sexual kind, men are men. It's alright to cheat at the game being played, as long as no money is at stake and it's not sex. A Gentleman's Bet is his Word. If he cannot play fairly, he cannot be trusted in general. Grudges are off limits, even if he broke the No-Cheating Rule. If you can forgive your girlfriend for ignoring you because of her own emotional reasons, you can forgive a bro (who you know at least 95% better) for almost anything.

Defend His Honour

When confronted, it is common practice to stick up for your bro's. Brotect and serve, it's what we do. Bro on Bro confrontations call for resolution, not for you to pick a side. Stay neutral, and always try to calm them both down. If it's your date confronting a friend, it is your responsibility to defend your Bro. No one should be allowed to insult a friend of yours, and if your girlfriend can't accept that, then she's not worth it. She's not the one dating your friend, so why is she so concerned about him? If the act/mannerism that your friend engages in, is understandably detestable - as in, under normal circumstances, it's not acceptable in public - then it is your duty to tell him not to partake in such things in a gentlemanly manner. You should always portray your friends highly. A man's immediate company is the truest reflection to his own character.

Brotherly Love and Public Interaction

Brotherly love, while the strongest male bond just short of Homosexuality, has it's limits. Although it's nice to always be close to your Bro's, sometimes things just get too awkward and weird. A certain space must always be kept between one another in most instances, especially on couches and while using the urinals. Under NO circumstance must brothers share a bed. The floor is perfectly acceptable for sleeping and, in fact, it's ungivingness is good for your posture. This is where the tiny divide between Bromosexuality and Homosexuality is crossed. These same rules apply to your date when she is present in front of your friends. During such times, she is an honorary Bro. You wouldn't kiss a Bro now would you? It's also very rude to show such public affections because you're the guy with the girl, it's almost as if you're rubbing it in your friends' faces that you're better than them. It might be OK to think this in your mind, but to publicaly show it, is just not cool. Be a BrObama, a person for the people and not for a person.

I HATE YOU

Ignore the title, unless it's directed at you. Then don't ignore it. Otherwise, it was meant for Coffee. I spilt it all over my shirt, AGAIN. If Coffee didn't come from Coca, and cocaine wasn't it's distant relative, I would never touch the stuff...

Okay, formalities aside, hey again.
*takes a deep breath*

Right now, I have no idea whatsoever about what this post shall be about, BUT never fear, dear Reader! All is not lost, I never think about what I do, so this is probably a good thing...

OKAY! I've got inspiration. Godsmack is playing on my Media Player ('I Stand Alone' to be precise), and (edited for racism) is on TV atm. Gotta love Judge Mathis. Seriously, where else will you see crazy ghetto peoples with Handlebar Moustaches fighting their case against a lady screaming 'OWWH NAAW U SO DID NOT DO DAT. AIN'T NOBODY GON' TREAT ME LIKE YO GHETTO HOOCHIE. YOU'S A LIAR!'? BUT back to my original topic (which didn't exist, don't worry, you're not the only one confused)...

Last night, I was surfing the internet at 1:30am. No, I was not looking for porn, I woulda been watching TV in that case, you disgusting freak... But anyway, I stumbled across a link to Fox News Live Video Stream. Apparently some guy threatened to attack the White House, and subsequently drove this epically huge army vehicle down Washington's main street. Being the retard he is, he crashed into a Millenium VW Beatle (which weirdly didn't move) and he came to a dead stop. Anyway, cutting a long story short, he resisted arrest by screaming he had a bomb, and thus the standoff began.

This got me thinking, why would someone want to kill Obama? Then my mathematical brain (no seriously) started putting the puzzle together.

*Obama's black, black ancestors would have worked on Cotton fields. You sew cotton.
*Sews is awfully like a combination of Serbs and Jews.
* Hitler killed Jews, and Stalin killed Serbs.
Therefore, Obama is the reincarnation of Stalin and Hitler. It's no wonder that guy wanted to kill him...

I'm bored...

It appears once again I've been banned from Facebook (from now on referred to as Failbook). Surprise surprise, really... That makes it the FOURTH time this year, alone, that Failbook has decided it's advances on the Movie Star-esque MySpace, will only end in rejection and thus Mark Zuckerberg has decided to take his sexual frustration out on the profile delete button. (Woah! What a run on sentence, I hope you took a breath halfway through, I'm not liable for your death in the case of your stupidity...)

Anyway, I thought I would first explain the reasons why I've been banned. The first time was back in April, and I was having a discussion on racism with a friend. A black friend. We both used racist terms (such as: HA! no, I'm not going there...) to justify our argument, and NOTHING more. But, I guess another 'friend' took offence to what we were saying and thus reported me, and I was put on an 'evaluation' ban. I then decided to create a new account in the meantime, and managed to get myself banned a mere 2 weeks later on that. Apparently I was "abusing the inbox feature". If you're not allowed to have friends, and communicate, what is the point of Facebook?! That's like hiring a prostitute and finding out she's a nun, and she doesn't sell her body, but it's OK to look. Bad analogy I know, but it works... Terms Of Use (TOU) Violation bans, in this case, are a mere one week temporary ban, thankfully. But by this time, however, my old account was back and, hey, I had two accounts now.

I'm part of a Facebook group called De-motivational Posters (DMP for short), which is seriously addictive and filled with friendly and epic people. It's basically a group dedicated to posters done in the motivational style format (see previous post) and is usually made in an offensive manner (side note: ALWAYS do it for the lulz). I'm all for offensive jokes, and thus some of my posters I guess went 'too far' for some, and I was soon reportfagged again. This time, my 'other' profile was permanently removed because it violated the use of 'no fake accounts'.

After being proud of probably setting the record for the most number of issued bans, Failbook has once again (as of last night) issued me with a TOU Violation for, you guessed it, Inbox abuse. Oh well, that's another week of no Failbook. Time for me to go have a 'real life', I guess o.O

Racism can be funny

Yep, racism can be funny. It all depends on to what extent you use it. Just wanted to share a Motivational Poster of mine. I'll probably write some rant on Racism one of these days. I shall also upload more motivationals (pity my background is black so it messes with the black background of the poster) and fail pictures when I come across them.

Consumed In The Darkness

The Sun has finally set
and it's rays shall not return
I'm walking in the darkness
but I find it's light still burns

I've been on this path before
yet this time it feels different
I tried to read this map
but everything is not how it's written

taking just another step,
a step without direction
a step into the realm of confusion
a step that leaves no impression

yet in everything I see and do
all I see is you
staring right back with that smile
that sick and twisted disguise
and it's then I realise
all I'm being is you

is this all I'm living for?
pages of meaningless existence,
where the lines have faded
and the moment is lost in an instant

continuously searching
for the air to my next breath
but I find with every inhalation
is this distinctive scent of death

for my body has kept on living
but my soul has passed on
I'm grabbing for an identity
but my chance is so long gone

cause in everything I see and do
all I see is you
staring right back with that smile
that sick and twisted disguise
and it's then I realise
all I've been is you

I tried to fight the feeling
but when the battle was ensued
and I stepped out of the darkness
I was just more confused

it seems there's no rhyme or reason
that explains why I'm like you
so I simply have to wonder
if you're feeling like this too

as I walk back into the darkness
trying to find why I'm so consumed
I'm diggin up the past
waiting for my soul to be exhumed

but the truth has finally dawned on me
and it's not how I presumed
cause I've finally realised
the only light has been you

Piracy and how it POSITIVELY affects our economy

In the current economical melt-down, while many jobs and payrolls are being cut, our governments still find the time (and money) to propagate a message that piracy is linked to organised crime and affects negatively on our economy, when, if anything, the opposite is true.

"A loss in income means a loss in jobs. Some major record companies have had to cut jobs worldwide, drop 20 percent of their recording artists and outsource their DVD and CD manufacturing, in part because of piracy" The RiSA Anti-Piracy Unit (RAPU) - South Africa's Anti-Piracy organisation.

The website goes on to say "RAPU's policies and beliefs are made up from independent studies conducted by it's members ..." An emphasis must be placed on the words 'made up', for that's what they are, made up works of fiction used as political tools to garner our governments more of our money, while lessening our own countries' economies.

As piracy increases, the number of album/movie sales decrease (obviously). Governments (grossly, across the world) lose an estimated $200 million a year from tax revenues due to piracy. Which, contrary to what anti-piracy organisations would like us to believe, is a fairly small loss; considering America's turnovers, alone, are well in excess of trillions of dollars.

If piracy was eradicated, such a small influx into our economies would hardly affect government sectors, and the working population. It wouldn't improve job shortages nor would it help fight poverty. Piracy, on the other hand, promotes job creation within the working and lower classes.

Apart from offering a means of income for the men and women who copy and sell the pirated media, piracy also contributes to job growth within the legal sectors of our workforce. With the rise in the number of piracy vendors, governments have had to increase the number of patrolling policemen and women to combat the sale of piracy. Police and Federal agencies have also had to employ more staff to to keep track and monitor the virtual world and piracy rings. Increase in internet downloads has meant an increase in revenue for Internet Service Providers (ISPs) as well as digital media manufacturers - such as Verbatim - who benefit from the increase in writable CD/DVD sales. Not to mention the ironic financial aid it has to the anti-piracy organisations.

While it is true that the artists/actors themselves lose capital (and for the agencies, royalties from album/movie sales) because of piracy, it is also true that these men and women still earn far more each year than the average, working person anyway. Those affected within the commercial industry (the most targeted industry within entertainment) still make millions each year, and if anything, piracy is a solution to their greed.

I'm not saying piracy does not affect the underground, because it certainly does, but a whole new factor comes in to play here. Underground artists (those who don't sell their works for commercial or mainstream success) are more affected by the lack of monetary support because of their lesser following. They, more often than not, lead normal jobs and have their passion on the side. Because that is what it is, a passion. For those who have chosen for their passion to still be their income, they knew of the financial barrier they would have to face, compared to their commercial colleagues. Because of this, these underground artists have grown talented in the art of 'Hustling' (Immortal Technique having personally sold 40,000 copies of his records) and are still financially successful in their own right. The underground also effectively incorporates the art self-piracy, called bootlegging, which encourages people to pirate music to further an artist's success and sales.

So why is it that organisations, such as RAPU, want us to believe the opposite of piracy? Well, the answer lies within their name, they want to rape you of your money to further governmental and self greed. So the next time you feel the urge to buy an album from a mega store, rather do yourself AND your country a favour by pirating it instead.

The start of something epic

Currently it is 10:22pm, and after having NO sleep and a day of 'partying', I have given in to the requests of a friend and made this blog. Maybe it's the lack of sleep or the weird smell in the air, but I have a feeling something epic shall become of this little blog of mine. Although deep done I know it's all 100% poppycock, and thus didn't even bother capitalising the title of this post properly, nor recheck it for grammatical mistakes. Hey now, this is labeled 'onward to failure' after all...

Aah, seems I forgot to capitalise the f in failure. What a fail, how ironic...