Today Is The Reason Why I Should Die.

There's just something about me that makes the world think it's funny to turn a normal day of Christmas shopping into a day of monumental fail and AIDs.

1) I stood in not one, not two, not three, but four queues, today - buying clothes, that could have been done in two. What my parents never realise is that clothes are not leprechauns. You don't have to rush and buy one, when you see it, and return to hunting down it's other brethren, on separate occasions. These one item purchases are really starting to bother me, as it's myself who has to go searching around the two-story stores of Edgars and Woolworthes for the shortest queue, and report back to The Higher Powers - who have by then taken a moment's rest on a comfortable couch/bench.

2) Leprechaun hunting isn't limited to purchases, however, as my mom seems to try on clothes one size at a time; instead of doing the obvious and taking three consecutive sizes into the changing room, with her. This is why I hate shopping with women. Mothers, girlfriends, friends of the opposite sex. You've all been the same. I hate you for that...

3) The changing rooms are definitely out to annoy me. Not only did I wait in a queue, for my mom, to only have my dad pull her out when we finally reach the front as he had found a "full-length" mirror (note: my leprechaun theory is beginning to sway from a figure of speech to reality, as there is no way a fully grown person could possibly accomodate their entire reflection in that mirror) for my mom to try on her gown. A girl smiled at me during this time (before realising what my parents were doing/arguing). I hung my head in shame, and of course, like everything else in my life, nothing came of it. Left to his own devices, my father decided to try on some shirts. What he didn't realise, is the fact that one needs to read the signs the shops have fitted before walking into a dressing room. To cut a long story short, he attempted to get changed in the children's dressing room, before being chased off. I guess I know where I get my pedophile nature from, now. I guess it could have been worse. He could have accidentally walked into the lady's bathroom. Oh, wait, nevermind. That happened, too...

4) It's probably a good thing my dad wasn't holding three sets of bras and the most flamboyant orange jocks you'll ever see (I tried to find it on Google, but apparently "Orange jocks" is slang term for erection. FML, FML, FML. I'm going to acidify my eyes after typing this post). The bad news? I was... those were the longest 40 minutes of my life. I'm pretty sure I've now been named "Transvestite Boy" by everyone who saw me; they stared enough, anyway. What could make it worse? I've never seen that many people I've known in one place, before. Everywhere I looked, there were guys from my High School. One even had a busted up eye, and while it would have been a perfect reason to laugh at him, I realised I was in a far worse spot. To top it off, I saw a girl from University there, too. I'm pretty sure she saw me, as, you know, we did lock eyes. I, however, pretended I never saw her and walked off. At that very moment my "special" possessions were not in view thanks to a counter in front of me. If I had acknowledged her presence, she would have noticed them, and I would never be able to look her in the face, ever again. So, she probably hates me, but oh well. That's life, right?

Right?!

Spielying Iz Fur Lewzerz

If you want to die laughing, click this. Sorry, Stefanus. I can't help myself. ^.^

I don't wanna /b/ with you...

Today marks my second anniversary with you, but our last, as well. The dark path we walked, shadowed only by your hatred, is vibrant once again. It seems abnormal to feel the sunshine on my skin; to taste freedom; to not have you by my side...

You took from me what I valued greatest. My compassion, my very nature, but worst of all, my soul. You were the last entity to truly disturb me, before your darkness sapped the last of the light left within my heart. I guess that I must thank you, though, as my new-found immunity and tolerance has helped me survive many things in my life since we first met. The demon you fed within me has kept me company in the silence that has surrounded me; consoling where others ignored. If it was not for you, I wouldn't have been able to survive - let alone laugh off - all the bloodshed and death my eyes have witnessed. I would have succumb to the darkness and despair of the world around me if I had not succumb to your icy touch first. It is for that reason, and that reason ONLY, that I thank you. Otherwise, I hate you. I hate you with every fibre of my being. I hate you from the very depths of this blackened soul that you have created within me.

You sought to feast on the soul you stole from me, but you fed on yourself, for I was a part of you. You were the victim of your own cancer; you were your own parasite. You never cared for me, but I did care for you. You wanted to hurt me, but you hurt yourself in the end. To burn in hell would not be a good enough retribution to me. So as my parting wish - that I made on the falling star that is you - I hope you burn in your own self-inflicted misery. 'Cause I can still feel your sting within my heart (the sting of every nothing you've ever done for me), but I'm not dying for it, anymore... I know you give me nothing because you have nothing to give and I simply cannot bring myself to search for what no longer exists, anymore. You don't deserve these words and you hardly deserve the energy I would waste cursing you. But, contrary to what you believe, I still hold some of the compassion you tried to rape me of. If I knew you would change I would forgive you, but I know you won't. You're dying in a cesspool of your own creation and it is there I leave you with this final goodbye.


For when I wake up here tomorrow
Things will never be the same
'Cause I won't wait
'Cause you won't change
And you'll always be this way
Now I'm gonna get through today
And there's one thing I know
I don't wanna /b/ with you...



I am no longer anonymous; I am the legion of my own destiny. I will not forgive nor forget what you have done to me.

Mundane Monday's Music

Yeah, it's once again not a Monday, I realise that. I can't help it that yesterday was spent in the presence of my girlfriend. Well, that's a lie, I can. It's just she is > than this blog, quite frankly.

Back to the post. It's undergone a name change, maybe. Musical Mondays (MM) or Mundane Monday's Music. Which do you think is better? Please say, or I might do something silly and rename it again, when I post the next installment of MM next week - most likely will not be a Monday either. Lord Phail is my title for a reason.

The bands:
Army of the Pharaohs - Into the Arms of Angels

It's Hip Hop, yes, but it's deep. I want to offer a variance in the music I promote. But I'd rather let the lyrics speak for itself:
"Y'all don't know what it's like bein' born with stress against you
Only feelin' in this world is the life within you
You'd have to be damn near dead to see the nights I been through
Damn near dead to feel the wind beneath you"

...

"Still walk these hollow grounds, bein' lost but never found
Say to the Lord, "I'll die for music" ..(silence).. but there's never sound..."

Both quotes from Verse 2. In my opinion, the best verse of the song. Crypt The Warchild really delivered with it.

*to be edited later, I'm off to a party*

Musical Mondays

Yes, retard. It's a Friday, well done. I'm not stupid, you know (but I apparently have a fetish for commas. It's not me, it's English. I Swear :( ... ). Anyway, I thought I would add a variety to my blog and change the direction of this blog to one of a more mainstream medium - I hate mainstream mediums... But, from now on, every Monday I will post videos/songs of bands I've lately discovered and want to share with you, dear Reader. No, you're not special, it's just these bands I choose are too awesome not to share. That means these bands are relatively unknown so they're not mainstream, so f*** being mainstream. I found a loophole. Anyway, enough about me and on to the music!

Rise Against - Survive

It's Rise Against, what is there to say? My favourite band. My favourite song by them (Maybe second favourite, but his voice is unique and will definitely not appeal to many; so I shall refrain from posting an acoustic song of theirs that I love too. If you're still interested it's called "Hero of War". A critical song about the war in Iraq,)

Not Forgotten - Waiting

This, dear Reader, is the band I searched for, for three years. This is the band I would not let go of. This is the song that I cherish. This is Not Forgotten.

Little side note:
Ever since I first heard it, I've needed more. But alas it was merely a side-project by the musicians, who only collaborated on four tracks - only three of which are still available. If you know me, then you will know the elation I had two weeks ago after finally finding the band members. It took me three years of searching and I had to find the copyright details on this song to do it. Stalker, obsessive, call it what you want, I don't care. I'm happy. I received a letter back from the guitarist stating that he will get them all together again for a few more songs. I feel so blessed to be the reason for them reforming. It's true what they say. Hard work is always rewarded.

The Ataris - The Hero Dies In This One

Not too sure of the meaning behind the song, but what I gather is that it's inspired by two things - The loss of his mother (who cared for him as a single parent after being divorced) and (less so) for his daughter he hardly gets to see because of his own divorce. Even if you don't like the sound, I recommend you listen to the words. They're very deep and touching. (Note: Anderson is the town he grew up in)

"The hardest part isn't finding who we need to be, it's being content with who you are."
One of the truest words you will ever hear in a song...

The Morning Of - Shine

Very soppy, I know. But what's more appropriate than inappropriate soppiness now that Twilight Eclipse is soon to be shown in cinemas? I love his voice... The sound reminds me of The Higher, just sans a slight Canadian accent. Though, with the female vocals on most of their other songs I can't help but feel this is the Skillet of the Pop Rock world. Though Pop Rock might be a bit of a misleading genre title when the band call themselves "Fourth-wave Emo". Lol wtf.

Skillet - Don't Wake Me

This is the band the previous blog post (and the previous song's background) alluded to. Much like Rise Against, his voice won't appeal to everyone, but like The Ataris I love the lyrics. They're amazing. Whether you've had your heart broken or not, the lyrics are powerful enough to portray the emotion behind the words.

Music - The Evolution

"If I don't practice one day, I know it; two days, the critics know it; three days, the public knows it." These are the now famous words of Jascha Heifetz (completely unknown otherwise) - but how true do these words ring?

We all have a favourite band, or artist, who's works we follow faithfully; never missing a release because each album impacts upon our life as each album is our own created - or more accurately bought (so yes, happiness can be bought. Guess I just ended an age-old philosophical debate with one sentence... Am I not amazing? Oh go on, yes I am. Admit it...) a personal release from the reality we face each day. A place where we can rock out in solitude to the concert within our imagination; a groupie in the comfort of our own bedroom.

But why do we continue to follow our favourite bands? Sure, they're our favourite band for a reason but, with each album, changes take place. Subtle differences in how the band creates their work. What keeps us hooked to them? Is this musical evolution the creator of improvement or are Heifetz words really true? So then why is it that bands always return to their roots after a few releases, to much critical success. You could attain this success to the 'survival of the fittest' in this musical evolution - but when has atavism been the survival technique of the superior? Atavism is what it is, a throwback to primal behaviour. Not a neo-evolutionary trademark.

While not every album - or band, for that matter - fits this 'evolutionary' pattern, it's safe to say that most do, and that we do follow a fanaticism whenever a new album is released. No matter how short the fanaticism lasts, we do.

The song that brought upon the requirement to debate this (with myself, seeing I have no readers) is currently playing; "Looking For Angels" by Skillet. An amazing Christian band, but with lyrics everyone can relate to and enjoy. It had always been my theory that the more recent an album was, the greater it was, and perhaps that's what caused me to begin on a path that would lead me here. It's because of that ideology that I focused, mainly, on their newest album, Awake. It wouldn't be until this very past Sunday that I would find the wonders of what really is their greatest album; Comatose - an album 3 years older than Awake. My three favourite songs still remain those from Awake but, overall, Comatose has everything I look for in an Alternative/Post-Grunge band. I'm disappointed in not having given the album more appreciation earlier, as I've missed out on many days of being able to lie back and zone-out to it's vibe.

So then is this not the "three days" Heifetz talks about? For the band always knows their greatest and worst works, the critics have no personal bias to the album they have bought, but we do, and that is why we take the longest to realise that the Evolution of the music we love is merely the de-evolution from what we love. The first album we hear from a band usually remains, subconsciously, our most favourite because of the fact that we fell in love with the band because of that sound, so, while the departure from that sound may appeal to us, it never lasts. But, it is because of the de-evolution that our love for our favourite band evolves. It gives us a fresh start in listening to its sound again. To enjoy it, to feel it...

Therefore music's evolution might be atavistic, but it is this atavism that creates the de-evolution of the evolution that is destroying our muse. In other words, we do need the old for the new, but it is the old that needs the new the most. God-bless the late Jascha Heifetz, he wasn't senile after all.

(Though I might be. That made no sense, did it... It's late...)

The Infinity of One

You were on your way home when you died. It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their
best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.
And that's when you met me.

"What... what happened?" You asked. "where am I?"
"You died," I said, matter-of-factly. No point mincing words.
"There was a...a truck and it was skidding..."
"Yup." I said
"I... I died?"
"Yup. But don't feel bad about it. Everyone dies." I said.
You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. "What is this place?" You asked. "Is this the afterlife?"
"More or less," I said.
Are you god?" You asked.
"Yup." I replied. "I'm God."
"My kids... my wife," you said.
"What about them?"
"Will they be alright?"
"That what I like to see," I said. "You just died and your main concern is for your family. Thats good stuff right there."
You looked at me with fascination. to you, I didn't look like God. I just looked like some man. Some vague authority figure. More of a grammar school teacher then the almighty.
"Don't worry," I said. "They'll be fine. your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didnt have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly reliveved.
To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If its any consolation, she'll feel very guilty for feeling relieved."
"Oh," you said. "So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?"
"Neither," i said. "You'll be reincarnated."
"Ah," you said. "So the Hindus were right."
"All the religions are right in their own way," I said. "Walk with me."
you followed along as we strolled in the void. "Where are we going?"
"Nowhere in particular," I said. "Its just nice to walk while we talk."
"So whats the point, then?" You asked. "When I get reborn, I'll just be a plank slate right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life wont matter."
"Not so!" I said. "You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just dont remember them right now."
I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. "Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic then you can possible imagine.
A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. Its like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if its hot or cold.
You put a tiny part or yourself into the vessel, and when u bring it back out, you've gained all the experiences it had.
"You've been a human for the last 34 years, so you haven't stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for longer, you'd start remembering everything.
But theres no point doing that between each life."
"how many times have I been reincarnated, then?"
"Oh lots. Lots and lots. An into lots of different lives." I said. "This time around you'll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 A.D."
"Wait, what?" You stammered. "your sending me back in time?"
"Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from."
"where you come from?" You pondered.
"Oh sure!" I explained. "I come from somewhere. somewhere else. and theres others like me. I know you'll want to know what its like there but you honestly wont understand."
"Oh." you said, a little let down. "But wait. If i get reincarnated to other places in time, could I have interacted with myself at some point?"
"Sure. Happens all the time. and with both lives only aware of their own timespan you dont even know its happening."
"So whats the point of it all?"
"Seriously?" I asked. "Seriously? Your asking me for the meaning of life? Isnt that a little stereotypical?"
"Well its a reasonable question." you persisted.
I looked in your eye. "The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature."
"You mean mankind? You want us to mature?"
"No. just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature, and become a larger and greater intellect"
"Just me? What about everyone else?"
"There is no one else," I said. "In this universe, theres just you, and me."
You stared blankly at me. "But all the people on earth..."
"All you. Different incarnations of you."
"Wait. I'm everyone!?"
"Now your getting it." I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.
"I'm every human who ever lived?"
"Or who will ever live, yes."
"I'm Abraham Lincoln?"
"And you're John wilkes Booth, too." I added.
"I'm Hitler?" you said, appalled.
"And you're the millions he killed."
"I'm jesus?"
"And you're everyone who followed him."
You fell silent.
"Every time you victimized someone," I said, "You were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you've done, you've done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you."
"Why?" You asked me. "why do all this?"
"Because someday, you will become like me. Because that's what you are. You're one of my kind. You're my child."
"Whoa." you said, incredulous. "You mean I'm a god?"
"No. Not yet. You're a fetus. You're still growing. Once you've lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born."
"So the whole universe," you said. "Its just..."
"An egg of sorts." I answered. "Now its time for you to move on to your next life."
and I sent you on your way.

Excerpt from 'In It For Life' by Sick Puppies

Some people talk like they can't hear
Some people walk but get nowhere
And when I'm done with the run I'm going on
I'm sure I'll be
Your biggest regret
you'll never forget

You'll wake up when I walk out
isn't that the way it plays?
The leaver leaves, the stayer stays
You wouldn't make a move, so I made mine
isn't it a pity?
I wish you were really in it for life
I wish that you were in it for life

Yeah you can run, but you can't hide
'Cause everything you're running from
Is locked inside

Expect the unexpected

I'm back, did you miss me?

Of course you didn't, I never left you...

I haunt your dreams with my sadistic smile, every time you close your eyes.
I am the devil that stares back at you from behind the mirror.
I am your soul, your being, your existence.

But enough about me, back to the blog.
Two more weeks and all hell will be let loose, and you, dear Reader, will be astounded to how many posts you will find. I promise you this. This promise I promise to keep. (Don't promise on keeping that promise, or this promise, or that one, either... but hey, I still promise to keep the original promise! (not))

Promises aside, I have about 6 ideas I want to blog to you, my dear Reader. So prepare yourselves for mind asplosion.

A Post

A short and sweet post this time; no deep/heavy reading. Haven't been online in a few weeks and I come to find the layout of my blog changed... Photobucket claims it's due to the fact that I've reached my upload limit. Yet I know what this is; it's internet censorship. Well, screw you Internets-Man and your dog, I will never stop posting (unless, of course, I get bored with writing all of this). I will never bow down to PC (Political Correctness - more like Pissy Crap).... Suppose that shall be my next topic I will strive to write about. How PC is merely a breeding ground of racism and hypocrisy.

I digress though, back to the topic: The Layout. I realise it's missing many much-needed borders and now it doesn't look that appealing but I couldn't do anything about it. It was either the current blandness or a slew of warnings from Photobucket, draped annoyingly across my blog. So... Deal the hell with it, okay? :-)

On a side note: I miss someone... I am seeing them tomorrow but... Sigh, 12 hours just seems too long a time to wait for it to be anything but torture right now.